For Best Results, Apply Constant Pressure
by kireira
Summary: Seth was driving Ryan crazy with his attempts to get him back with Marissa. Ryan decided a little threatening gesture was called for. Oneshot, RyanSeth hints.


_Author Notes:_ Set after The Blaze of Glory. Ryan-Seth.

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**For Best Results, Apply Constant Pressure**

..

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Deciding that the bonfire incident had gone well after all, Seth had gone from secret ploys to straight-out pep talk to get Ryan back with Marissa, and while Ryan did prefer being able to see what was coming to get him, it didn't help any with the irritation.

There was almost nothing left in the house that Seth hadn't used as props to carry out made-up conversations between Ryan and Marissa, invariably ending with a disturbing demonstration of kisses between non-living things.

Ryan had told him to shut up hundreds of times, some times harsher than the others, but he couldn't seem to scare Seth silent. That kid knew Ryan would not hurt him, and for all his smooth acting Ryan just couldn't pretend he would.

So he executed the best move and simply walked away.

And the whole game turned into a semi-tag chase across the Cohen residence.

Seth followed him around the kitchen, stuck with him in the living room, and Ryan tried to kick him out of the poolhouse with about five recorded success out of thirteen. Even when Ryan attempted an escape to the restroom Seth would be hanging around, undeterred by Ryan's exasperated comment that it was getting really really gross.

At school he was relatively safe, because other than the excessive Marissa references on their trip there, Seth hung out with Summer, and they had mostly different classes. But whenever they were home together, Seth practically slipped under his skin and wriggled about in a victory dance there.

Ryan had even resorted to shooting pleading looks at Kirsten and Sandy, who at the first time simply watched with amusement, and at the second time kindly supplied, "Don't tease him too much, honey," and "Careful, son, there's peer pressure, and then there's reverse psychology."

Seth had gotten Summer to bring Marissa when she came over, several times. It seemed he'd finally convinced Summer to join the Dark Side. The two of them would inconsiderately -- and deliberately, Ryan suspected -- get into an almost-make-out session, leaving Ryan and Marissa in a very awkward situation.

When that happened he either made excuses to leave the room or simply walked out, and Seth couldn't very well tie him up and force him to stay, but Seth certainly refused to go down quietly without burning Ryan's ears with a selection of suggestive remarks, and in front of Marissa.

He thought Marissa did catch on the unholy mission, because she only came with Summer, like, fifty-percent of the time. God knew Summer had the persuasion power comparable to Seth's verbal stamina, and he was at least grateful that he only had to deal with one of them.

God also knew that was already trying enough. Seth's persistence ran as long as the Great Wall of China, his long history of pining for Summer standing witness.

"Seth," he exploded one morning, when Seth had made a sickeningly cheesy remark about how the sweet destined communion between milk and cereal should inspire Ryan to find his soulmate in the girl next door. "Stop it, or I will never talk to you again."

"No problem, Ryan, I can handle the talking for both of us."

"I mean it, Seth."

"Dude, I'm just trying to get you to realize the undeniable sexual tension between the two of you, fiercely burning, yearning for a release..."

Ryan gave him a dirty look. "You _created_ that tension. Deliberately."

"Hey, Newton _discovered_ gravity, he didn't _invent_ it. There's a difference."

"The only relevance this topic has with gravity is the big painful fall you'll have if you keep this up."

"Oh, resorting to violence, Ryan?" Seth put a hand over his heart, feigning hurt. "You disappointed me."

Ryan stood up in a sudden and slammed his palm down on the kitchen table, really loudly. Seth jumped on his chair.

"Give it up, Seth," he said as coldly as he could manage. For all his annoyance he knew Seth just wanted him to be happy, albeit by Seth's own standards instead of that of the person in question. Because of that he couldn't quite work out a full-blown anger, but he had to put a stop to Seth's overconfidence in his patience.

Seth looked at him silently for a second, seemingly trying to judge his seriousness. That Ryan could manage to hold up.

"Listen," Seth leaned forward on his seat. "Honestly, don't you like her? Don't you want to be with her? Nothing's stopping you now. No Lindsay. No Alex. You've even got Julie Cooper's acknowledgement, not that you ever feel that need, but how cool is that?"

"Things will screw up, like they tend to be between Marissa and me," Ryan gritted the words out. "How would you like to be held responsible for that?"

"There, there, my friend, pessimism will be the death of you yet."

"It's statistics." Ryan maintained a steady glare. Seth was easing back into the Red Alert zone, and Ryan needed to regain control. "If I need your help I'll _ask_. Stay out of this one."

He turned to put his cereal bowl in the sink, preparing to leave.

"'You know, I've always missed you,'" came a high-pitched voice from behind him. "'You're the only one for me, Ryan!' 'Really?' 'Really! Mmmuah-mmuah.'"

He turned back and saw Seth holding both their spoons, one in each hand, the backs pressed together in his self-crafted drama.

"For goodness' sake, Seth!" he yelled desperately.

Seth looked up at him, feigning innocence, and continued to maneuver the abused utensils. "'Oh, but I screwed up so bad!' 'Ryan, honey, who doesn't screw up around here?' 'Mmm--'"

Ryan stomped over, and Seth had just started to shift in anticipation when Ryan's palm closed on his mouth and gripped his jaw shut.

"Mmmm!" Seth protested, dropping his makeshift puppets and trying to pry Ryan's hand off his face.

Ryan, of course, could rival Seth's persistence any day when it came to physical confrontation.

"Rrrynn! Lldd ggh!" Seth's wide eyes joined in the protest, but Ryan was not letting go.

Ryan started to smirk, then Seth picked up the spoons, and his muffled voice switched to the higher octave range. Ryan hadn't even thought that was possible.

"'Yy llffh yyh, Mmrrssh, bdd ymm jsst ndd gdd wff rrlysnshhps.' 'Tss llrrght, mm twwh, Ryynn.'"

Ryan growled in frustration. He leaned down, using both hands now to clamp Seth's jaw. "Seth, shut up."

Seth's eyes laughed at him. "'Nn yy llffh yyh twwh. Mmmh-mmhh!'" His lips even puckered up inside Ryan's palm.

"Seth!" Ryan warned, and leaned further down until his nose almost touched Seth's.

Seth made a short noise in his normal pitch, then fell silent. Panic began to creep into his expression.

Ryan stared at Seth until he felt dizzy trying to focus on the way too near object. He decided it was enough, and he dragged his fingers off Seth's face, pausing to press the lips between his thumbs and index fingers before letting go completely.

Seth stared up at Ryan, his closed mouth making no reaction yet.

Ryan pulled the spoons out of Seth's weak grips and put them down way out of Seth's reach, all without taking his gaze off.

"Yyh scrrd mmh."

He gave Seth a weird look. "Seth, you can talk normally now."

Seth blinked. "Dude, you scared me."

"Not that talk is encouraged, though," Ryan murmured. He shot a worried look at the cereal bowl Seth started to fiddle with.

Seth twirled the bowl around, seemingly about to say something, then reconsidered, and changed his mind.

This happened around twice, then Ryan spoke up. "Let's make a deal."

"Yeah?" Seth seemed happy that a conversation was finally taking place.

"You stop this brainwashing scheme you're having, and I'll stop avoiding Marissa."

"Only _stop avoiding_ her? Dude--"

"Non-aggresion for non-aggression. You want aggression, I'll be forced to retaliate."

"Not that you had much success with that."

"Oh?" Ryan quirked his eyebrows. Seth was the one with the genes, but Ryan knew he pulled it off much better. "What about earlier?"

Seth coloured a little, and his reply was delayed. "The battle's not over, man. We'll see."

"There'll be nothing to see. I'll put you, Summer and Marissa in a minimum of ten feet distance from me, at all times."

"Again, I doubt you will have much success with that," Seth challenged.

"I doubt you will have much success with your plan either."

"Now, Ryan, about this sudden evasive attitude of yours..."

"Reverse psychology, remember? Things will happen when I feel like it."

Seth eyed him. "Seriously?"

Ryan shrugged.

"Okay, okay," Seth stood up and walked over to put an arm around his shoulders. "We'll do it your way."

"Appreciated."

"Now let's discuss your plans."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "There won't be any plans."

"That totally won't do. Come on. Mr. Atwood, I would like to see some plans."

"You really should learn when to give up."

Seth paused to consider this, then shook his head. "Nah, this got me Summer. In addition to... many other factors. Now, the plan. I have some ideas we can start with..."

"I heard Summer needed to kiss you to shut you up sometimes."

And that shut him up. Seth's arm on Ryan's shoulders went tense. "Uh, t-that has mixed results... your point being?"

"Well, I'm obviously not Summer."

"Ah," Seth began to laugh in relief.

"So you probably won't enjoy it if I do."

Seth went rather white, and took his arm off Ryan.

"Are we agreed?" Ryan smiled.

"Uh, y-yeah."

"Great then. I'm going to do some reading."

"H-have fun."

Ryan dropped by the living room to pick up the book he'd left there last night. When he passed the kitchen on his way to the poolhouse, Seth was still there, seated at the table. In his hands were the two spoons, and he looked lost as he slowly knocked them together. There was no dialogue.

Ryan smiled, and resumed his steps.

.

..


End file.
